1. The Kansas City Chiefs are the worst football team I’ve ever seen.
Those poor, poor Chiefs fans. The Chiefs are so terrible, so historically bad, they’ve only held a lead twice this year in 11 games. This has given their fans, however few remain, the incessant need to place paper bags over their heads to hide their identities. But things could get worse; at least Kansas City is going to get the top pick in the next year’s NFL draft. Hope you like losing, USC quarterback Matt Barkley, because you’ll get mighty used to it next year.
2. A Tebow-less sports column is no column at all.
Tell me it hasn’t been fun watching Tim Tebow, (a.k.a the Muscle Messiah), flounder on the sidelines while the New York Jets continue to lose. Even divine intervention can’t help you this time, Timmy.
3. If I had a cookie for every time the Seahawks defense lost the game on the last drive...
The vaunted Seahawks defense is one of the best defenses in the league, up until it’s time to actually be a good defense. First against Arizona, then against Detroit, and last week against Miami, has the Seattle defense given up last-minute drives to lose the game. Maybe if we traded Kansas City some extra paper bags, it would send us they’re only good defensive player, Tamba Hali. Queue the light bulb over my head…I’m going to make that happen.
4. Russell Wilson, bro, you’re really good.
I’m wrong a fair amount, I’m sure, and around week five, I was driving the band-wagon to start quarterback Matt Flynn. Looks like I couldn’t have been more wrong. Flynn looks perfectly comfortable wearing his baseball cap and holding his clip board, and Russell Wilson looks just fine leading this team to a potential playoff berth. I’ll just keep my mouth closed when it comes to further quarterback decisions in Seattle. Fair?
5. San Francisco will win the Super Bowl with Colin Kaepernick as its starting quarterback.
Watching once-starting quarterback Alex Smith play is like watching reruns of the Golden Girls; it sucks and I look forward to the moment I can change the channel to the Fresh Prince of Bel-air. Now for the Colin Kaepernick analogy. If Smith is Betty White, Kaepernick is definitely the Fresh Prince. I’m not entirely sure when Kaepernick “Started making trouble in his neighborhood,” and “Yelled to the cabie, ‘Yo, homes, smell you later,” but he’s most certainly, “[Sitting] on [his] throne as the king of Bel-air.”