Seriously, what is with all the terrible ideas of things to represent your team? The Mean Green? Really, University of North Texas? A ticked-off color? Ooooohhh …terrifying. Oh no, watch out, its a … a … maple leaf? Well I guess I have nothing to fear. And what is up with all the Aggies? If you are going to pick a mascot that’s already taken, at least pick a good one. Pretty much every Southeastern Conference  team is called the Bulldogs.

Don’t get me wrong. My favorite team, the team that I cry over (both good and bad tears I might add), is called the Sounders … named after a body of water, the Puget Sound.  Why not call them the Seattle Pacifics? Or to give it some flair, The LA Pacificos of Seattle. You see what I did there? It’s not just nicknames that annoy me. Even I fall victim to having to cheer for a team with a bad name, so don’t think I’m sitting on some high horse looking down at everyone else.

There are the teams named after weather such as the Lightning and the Thunder. Don’t get me started on the teams named after natural disasters like the Avalanche, Hurricanes, Cyclones and Earthquakes. Why would you want to do something depressing like that? “My house just got destroyed by a hurricane. Now let me throw on my Miami hat and remind myself of it …Go ‘Canes …”

What is with the teams named after landscapes: the Rockies, the Wild and the Lakers? Speaking of the Lakers, have you ever seen a lake in LA?

Then you have all the ethnicities: Canadiens (I know, it looks like it’s spelled wrong. It’s not.), Canucks, Blackhawks, Texans, Celtics, Vikings, Indians, Redskins … etc, etc, etc. “Everybody, please welcome to the field, your hometown heroes, the mighty Las Vegas Russians.”

If you are planning on starting a team, let’s stick to something besides an ethnicity.  Especially avoid the disaster in Buffalo, “The Buffalo Bills.” Now that name really is trying too hard. Do you need a play on words for your mascot?

I especially adore the animal names of species found thousands of miles away. How many Penguins are found in Pittsburg? Or how about those Bengals that are commonly found in Cincinnati? I hate those Bears and Lions they let roam free in Chicago and Detroit. And what the heck is a Seahawk? Why not call them what they really are: Ospreys?  You also have the teams that call themselves one thing, then have a completely different thing run around and “lead cheers.” The Stanford Redwoods. Wait, that's not right, they’re the Cardinals. “Guys, let's go to an Oakland Circus, I mean Athletics, I mean A’s game tonight.”

The problem with a lot of these names is that there is history associated with them.  If a team were to start today, and call themselves the Dodgers, people would laugh. But because they have been a team for over a century, there is not much to do about it. Plus there is the story of how the fans had to “dodge” trolleys to get to the games, hence Brooklyn Dodgers. But at least you can say Dodgers is better than what they were previously called: the Bridegrooms … because all the members were either getting married or already were.

So what’s my solution to all of this? I guess just live with it. I can’t imagine changing the Utah Jazz to anything else, even though I am sure Jazz didn’t start in Salt Lake City. Or there could just not even be nicknames.  We could take the European soccer approach to things and name the team after the city: the Dallas Hockey Club or Dallas HC.  Either that or start naming teams after flowers, the LA Tulips has a nice ring to it. Maybe that’s what the football team can change their name to. Sorry, too soon?